I got one ;-;
Please? This looks fun
"-How can I stop feeling guilty constantly, when I know I’m not at fault? I hope that wasn’t confusing. Thank you xx."
Hey friend. Guilt is a tough customer, for sure. I have dealt with feelings of guilt and anger at myself for a long time. It’s a complicated issue but I may be able to offer a little insight.
For me, the first thing that I had to do in overcoming the feeling was to recognize it when it came. Guilt and other self-hating thoughts are sort of knee-jerk responses to things we can’t control - rather like salivating when presented with one’s favorite food. (I’m liable to drool over a good pizza…) So the first thing to do is to recognize that this is a reaction that comes unbidden, and therefore isn’t you.
Once you recognize that the guilty feelings aren’t you, and aren’t representative of a fact, you can take a step back and observe them without letting them control you. From here, it’s a matter of deciding whether the feeling is useful to you or not. Will beating yourself up do anything to improve the situation? Likely not, but the answer is yours to figure out.
What I have discovered, however, is that guilt is ultimately useless. I believe in love, and from my experience guilt is an expression of hatred. It’s trying to motivate you by scaring the hell out of you or threatening you with pain of loss - essentially, saying “If you don’t cut this shit out, you will hate yourself forever.” But what if you love yourself instead?
What if instead of trying to control yourself with hatred, you instead made your good qualities grow by focusing on them? What if, when your mind screams guilt at you, you respond “This is something beyond my control, but I am doing everything I can to be the best me I can be.”
My point is, love yourself. Show compassion for yourself - you are a human being. Yes, you are flawed and you make mistakes. But that’s part of living in this universe mate - in some ways, it’s what we’re born to do. So being imperfect doesn’t make us unworthy of love - quite the opposite! If you’re a mess but you’re doing your best, then you’re doing exactly what you’re here to do. Trust your heart in that.
If you’d like to talk more about what’s making you feel guilty and such, feel free to come off anon and talk with me in private. I can help you find ways to meet and deal with the specific feelings you’re having. I’ll keep everything strictly confidential, and you will get no judgement from me.
Love is your birthright, lovely soul. Don’t deny yourself.